Like many Gen X nerds, I collect curios. Quaint little bits of ephemera from America’s past, incomprehensible consumer products from foreign countries, folk/outsider art… all that sort of nonsense.

My tastes are pretty narrow, however. The superficial bric-a-brac pedaled at raunchy mall gift stores, objects designed to be “weird for weird’s sake”, usually don’t appeal to me. I like things that seem to speak to something sincere. As though they’re just the tip of the iceberg, offering the barest glimpse of a heretofore unknown world.

One of my prized possessions is a pair of keychains given to me by a friend when he lived in Japan. Granted, finding weird knickknacks in Japan is like hitting the broad side of a barn, but these keychains are on a whole other level. They have that divine spark that I look for in the things that I use to bring clutter into my life.

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It was my understanding that the legal driving age in Japan was eighteen, but seeing as how the following car is clearly owned by a nine year old girl, now I don’t know what to think.

Car spotted in parking lot at Shikoku University, Japan.

This mascot makes no sense, unless it’s for a company that either:

• Makes toilet paper for rabbits, or
• Makes toilet paper from rabbits

In any event, good call on the pink bowtie, anonymous Japanese character designer!

Source: A random cardboard box, seen at school

I usually update on Fridays, but figured this week I’d move it up a day for a special Christmas entry.

Above is a hand-drawn, Muppet-themed fried chicken nugget advertisment I spotted at a convenience store near my school a couple weeks ago.

Elmo looks like a pervert

But of course the piece de resistance is the Christmas Tree/Grover Crucifix motif. Nothing says Christmas like a bloody, beaten muppet!
 

Is he wearing underwear? And what’s that thing on his side? Hm…

Merry Christmas, Everybody!

Soccer-playing pandas are a common traffic hazard in Japan.

Also, truck monsters are waiting to murder children who run out into the street. Look out, kids!

Here’s a pencil case I saw at the mall. It’s disturbing on a couple of levels. 

This bear is clearly a sex predator.

What the hell is wrong with this rabbit?  And “Watch your step going home”? Is that advice or a threat?

I saw a product at the mall the other day called “Juicy Ducks”. Basically, they’re fruit-themed rubber ducks.

So, whatever, it’s a pretty stupid idea, but not one that I’d bother blogging about if it wasn’t for the following:

Just look at it. It looks like a bloated, tumorous corpse. So, so horrible. The perfect gift for the child in your life that you hate.

The uncouth may be content to munch on regular Cheetos, but for those with more sophisticated palettes, only Gourmet Cheetos will do.

Gourmet Cheetos is apparently a big enough brand to have its own line, as this is a part of “The Night Selection” family of products. (This particular one is “Italian pizza” flavored. How exotic!) (more…)

Here’s some cat food I spotted at the convenience store. The illustrations on the tins are, er, interesting.

I’m pretty sure they were drawn by actual cats. Actual cats on drugs.

I’ve been living in Japan for almost a year now, but luckily I have a fail proof method to keep homesickness at bay. Whenever I’m feeling nostalgic for the good ol’ U.S. of A., all I have to do is gaze at a can of American Coffee and it’s like I’m home again:

It’s amazing that Japanese beverage manufacturer Dydo was able to capture the spirit of America in one simple image. The America portrayed on a can of American Coffee is the real America.*

I get a little teary-eyed just looking at it. Oh, say can you see… (*Sniff, sniff*)…

*The “real America” being of course the America of 1970s sexploitation movies.

Pictured: Todai Ramen, in the closed position

There’s a ramen shop near my school called Todai Ramen. Their hours of operation baffle me. They are open from 7pm to 4am (except for Mondays, when they’re closed).

Sometimes I’ll leave school at 6:30pm and want to grab some ramen on my way home, but I can’t because they aren’t open yet. Couldn’t they be open from 6pm to 3am instead? You could argue that 6pm to 7pm isn’t a prime dinner hour, but are there really more people that want ramen at 3:30am? Like, on a Wednesday?

I guess I could understand if the nightlife in the area was thriving, but it’s pretty dead. The only other businesses nearby that are open past 9pm are a convenience store and a karaoke joint, both of which already sell food. There’s also a university dorm nearby, but they have a 10pm curfew, so no late night business from them.

This area has even less going on at night.

They’ve been around for years, so I guess Todai’s proprietors know what they’re doing. But still… I don’t get it.

Pictured above is a sign I saw hanging outside of a restaurant in downtown Tokushima. There are three things I find amusing about it:

1) Even though it’s written in pretty good English (no spelling mistakes, word order is okay, etc.) I’m still not exactly sure what they’re trying to say. Because it sounds like a paradox: the only way to get food “to go” is if you’re eating at the restaurant. Or maybe they’re trying to say that you can only get take out food as a doggie bag, after you’ve eaten some of it in the restaurant? I dunno…

2) Either way, I don’t get the need for the policy in the first place. They apparently have the means to accommodate “to go” orders, so why even bother making the sit down customer stipulation? They want people’s money, people want their food, so who cares where they eat it? Actually, it seems to me that a take out customer would be preferable to a sit down customer, since the former isn’t taking up a seat in your restaurant that could go to someone else.

3) And finally, I find it amusing (and unlikely) that an English language sign like this is even necessary in the first place. Tokushima isn’t Tokyo or Osaka; even downtown, I hardly ever see any other foreigners. This is the only time I can think of that I’ve seen an English sign for the benefit of non-Japanese readers (outside of airports and train stations). Were there really that many foreigners demanding take out food from this one restaurant that they needed this sign? I wonder if they just had one crazy Australian asshole that made a big ruckus about not being able to get food to go, and they thought, “Never again! We need a sign!”