I forgot, but aren’t you in the graduate program? I would imagine that hickies are not so cool for grad students. I teach mostly freshmen, so that may have a lot to do with it.

Group dates can be fun, but most of the time, in my experience, they do not produce many relationships (not even one nighters). If the blind dates are not so much fun, …well, you may wind up sitting in a Karaoke box at 3am bored to tears. For the cultural experience, you should try it once, for sure.

Oh no, I very much appreciated your taking the time to comment; like I said it’s great to get the perspective of a foreigner who has more experience with the university setting.

Yeah, I’m pretty discrete when it comes to things that may or may not be secrets, since I don’t have a clear sense of which is which yet. This made for one awkward moment when I told a white lie to Friend A to protect Friend B’s “secret”, only to found out that Friend A already knew about it. Ah well.

I wonder if your school is in a big city where maybe the attitudes are more liberal? Because I don’t think I’ve ever really seen rabu-rabu student couples out in public here, and I sure as hell have never seen a classmate with a hicky. Not that I’ve been looking for them really, but…

And no I’ve never been on one of those group dates, but I always thought they seemed really cool; a much better, lower pressure version of an American blind date. I’ll keep in mind that the single girls may not actually be single though, if I ever go on one…

Lars
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Hey Naoya, thanks for the comment! See you next week!
Lars

It happens all time.
Girls love it.
I hate it.

As far as this topic goes, I think that the friend who first told you about other classmates dating is trying to express that you are a close enough friend to gossip with. It may not be common knowledge, so keep that in mind if you pass that info on.

It has been my experience that secrecy is not always the case. I occasionally run into student couples off campus and I blurt out “Love Love da!” and just about every time the two nod their heads and giggle. Maybe they feel busted or something, but I think they just feel friendly towards me so they can admit it. I would never do this if I didn’t know the student(s) well enough.

Even for students I don’t really know well, I occasional see a big fat hickey (or “kissu ma-ku”). Kind of hard to keep it a secret if you got one of them.

As far as somebody admitting they are in a relationship if you ask them directly, I ain’t sure if that a safe assumption. Have you have ever had the experience of the Konpa, the group date? In this situation (in my experience) many people stone face lie about having a girlfriend/boyfriend. Not because they want to fool around, but because they are probably there because of the single members asked them to go and if they admit they have a significant other, the Konpa giddiness kind of goes away.

The theory of not getting invited to social gatherings if everybody knows you have a steady is surprising to me, but maybe I am clueless too. My experience (and the girls I dated) that when you part of a group of friends, they bug you even more to go out once you have a steady than when you were single, but I have never been a college student in Japan, like you, plus I haven’t been in the dating action for 6 years now.

Anyway, my two cents. I fully admit that I am no authority on Japan, just a long winded old guy. Just the fact that you notice things means that you will come to your own understanding in your own time.